It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
