Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
