i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
