I got chris browned last night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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