My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
