I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
