new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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