Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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