fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
