to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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