I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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