im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
