Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did i walk over a car last night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
