WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
