It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
