i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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