Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
