And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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