I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
