Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
