Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
