The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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