I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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