her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
