your parents love me but you hate me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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