this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I queefed so loud it echoed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
