yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
