So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Even my vagina gasped.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
