Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Found your dick twin last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
