Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
