wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
