I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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