I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
