she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
