the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what day is it and did you see me today?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
