You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
