dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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