I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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