Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
