there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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