mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
