I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
