Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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