I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
