I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
