Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
