Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A bitchslap is in order.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
