i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
