This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize