is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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