I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
