Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize