she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
