I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
