smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
