I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You ruined the universe
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
