but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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