what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
