so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
