she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
