you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
