well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
40s are totally the cure
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize