look no pants
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
