you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
