Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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