the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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