remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did I show you my penis last night?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize