If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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