oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
