Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You made out with two different species that night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
