Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize