I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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