it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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