I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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