Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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