you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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