Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
