soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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