So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
